And So It Shall Be Named: Mock Tuna Salad

19 Mar

As much as we might not like to admit it, having the right name means everything. There’s a world of difference between the image associated with a name like Olga or Bernice and the one that comes along with something like Angelina or Ryan Gosling (that man is EVERYWHERE!). Would you eat from a restaurant called “Pink Taco” or “Crabby Dick”? Who would admit to working for a company called “Fairtilizer”? Apparently nobody did because it seems they’ve since changed their name. The right name can make or break your career, enhance your life or doom your child to bullying and ridicule for the rest of all eternity. When it comes to names, we must choose wisely, people.

So when I came across the food blog, “Yeah, That ‘Vegan’ Shit” I thought, holy hell, this person has hit on name gold! Why didn’t I think of that?! Well, because I didn’t. Because I’m obsessed with ginger. Because my cutesy side generally outweighs my nerdy badass. And because I save my obscenities for talking about Dick Juice.

Unfortunately, it appears the blog is now defunct, but I came across it one day while craving something, anything, with tuna. I didn’t want to actually eat tuna, though. I’ve always loved tuna sandwiches. When I was a kid, my aunt and I would often trudge home for lunch and be fed tuna salad sandwiches with chicken noodle soup. My mom still makes the best tuna with hard-boiled eggs. On the rare occasions that I decide to get a sandwich, it’s usually tuna (or an Italian. I’m a sucker for sausage, but we won’t address that issue at the moment. tee hee). I love tuna salad, and my cravings led me to “Yeah, That ‘Vegan’ Shit” and mock tuna salad.

Okay, so I basically took this chick’s recipe and torpedoed it. My tuna salad looks nothing like tuna due to how dark and overwhelming my soy sauce is, but let me tell you. MAN. It is delicious! Scratch “delicious,” I overuse that word. It is scrumptious! Seriously. It is reminiscent of tuna, in that way that nothing fake can ever taste “just like ______”, except for maybe frog legs. They really DO taste just like chicken! You must remember, I’m from Flint, Michigan, and we eat everything sweet. Our rice, our grits and even our tuna salad. If you prefer a more salty version, just switch the coconut yogurt for plain soy yogurt and the sweet relish for dill or a chopped pickle. I threw my concoction on some bread (yes, I ate bread!) with sprouts and Power Greens from Trader Joe’s and chowed down! It saved me from devouring all the chocolate in the pantry. And I finished by saying, “Well, that was damn good!”

Open-Faced Sandwich

Next time, I would use a different soy sauce or leave it out all together so that it resembles tuna a little more, but really, I don’t care. The taste was on the money, it was nutritious and filling and packed with protein and yummy goodness. I can make lettuce wraps and tuna salads and tuna and crackers and my favorite, tuna and Lays potato chips!

Hmm, perhaps I should be concerned….

What I Used

1 15 oz can chick peas
1/2 cup coconut yogurt
1 stalk of celery
3 tbsp sweet relish
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
1 tsp soy sauce
2 tsp dulse flakes
1 tbsp aioli garlic mustard sauce (you can use plain dijon or whatever)
1/2 tsp onion powder
1 tsp dill
1 tsp hemp powder (optional)

What I Did

First, I processed 3/4 of the chickpeas with the yogurt, dulse and soy sauce. Then I mashed the remaining 1/4 of chickpeas in a bowl and added the processed chickpeas along with the remainder of the ingredients. Throw all that on your base of choice and chow down!

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