No Anesthesia

9 May

I blame it on Grey’s Anatomy.

All those fights and love triangles and lies and heart aches. What is a woman supposed to do with all those emotions?! I’m sensitive all by myself.  I was teased incessantly as a teenager (and young adult, and hell, yesterday, truth be told) for crying at commercials and Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I almost had an aneurism from crying so hard over the movie UP.  My friends will call me to tell me NOT to watch a certain movie, the latest being, Precious. The Lion King is getting to the point where she knows to just hand me a tissue. Add to all that sensitivity the bonus of being totally distraught in love and with love, and I’m an emotional lava bath.

And now, I’ve got the folks on television making me cry as well.

I was up late last night, teary eyed, watching Grey’s Anatomy, instead of working diligently on something academia-related, wondering if Dr. Montgomery-Shepard was ever just going to leave already, if McDreamy and McSteamy would kill each other off the show, if Dr. Bailey’s baby could be any cuter, if George would ever recover from the horrible betrayal that Meredith dealt him, and if I would ever see the woman I love again.

See here’s the thing: intense love is hard to bear witness to. And for me, bearing witness involves tears, lots and lots of tears. It doesn’t matter if its a cast of fictional characters, my sick, addict mother who can’t just get it together already, or my current own Shakespearean dramas. As much as I hate to admit it, Grey’s Anatomy didn’t make all that stuff up. It mirrors real life.

I must remember that there will be fights. There will be misunderstandings. There will be drama. Sometimes the emotions will overtake you so strongly that you’ll wake up and yell at your mother about cigarette smoke in the house instead of saying, “Good Morning!” or “I love you.”

The most you can hope is that there are lots of tissues handy and that your heart is strong enough to keep itself steady while the waves overtake it – and that the other people are strong enough to wade in the tears next to you until you’re all strong enough to swim again.

Cooking won’t stop the tears or turn back time, but it’ll remind me that everything’s good; I’ve just got to ride the waves.

In the meantime, here’s the spicy smoothie I made, a mild green smoothie with a steady kick, for the day ahead…

No anesthesia. Thanks, McDreamy. Thanks.

Spinach
Water
Banana
Cherries
Cayenne Pepper
Coconut
Cacao nibs
Cinnamon chips

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