Abstinence for Dummies

4 Aug

For some reason, I’ve unconsciously sworn off bread. Over the last few months, to eat a slice of bread or a bun or a roll feels somehow wrong. I find myself munching away with an innate sense of guilty pleasure. Tucked away in my proverbial closet praying no one has the urge to out me. I have no idea where it came from. I’ve always loved bread. What went wrong?

I think it was the raw foodie who severed my healthy relationship with my favorite carbohydrate. Eating leafy greens and juiced vegetables doesn’t necessarily go hand in hand with a garlicky slab of focaccia or a rich, warm slice of whole wheat bread. It is that raw foodie who feels the best, has clear skin, regularity and a clearer brain, though. What’s a foodie to do?

Along with bread, I’ve noticed I feel much better with the absence of other things, like cheese, for instance. I love cheese. All kinds of cheese. I’ve even managed to embrace that chunky monster, blue cheese. I must admit, though, that it is still the cheese I’m least likely to buy at the grocery store, especially since I haven’t eaten a steak, my favorite blue cheese accompaniment, in goodness knows how long.

The Chocolaty Crab used to call me “Snotty” all the time. I was always stuffed up, or having some ailment of the sinus-atic region. When I went raw, though, all of that went away. My nose was always clear. I didn’t have allergies or sinus infections. The stacks and stacks of tissues I had accumulated went unused. How, in the face of such evidence, could I not forgo my beloved cheese? I’ve been trying my best to abstain and put space between myself and my unrequited love, but…

And now bread! Gosh, Universe! Why do you hate me?!

Maybe it’s not as strong as all that. A case of tough love at the most. I can enjoy cheese every now and then. I just know ahead of time the creamy yumminess is going to do a number on my upper region as observed the day after a fruit/brie fest. Sweet Jesus, I forgot how much mucus one human body can produce!

Anyway, I can deal with the occasional snotty, congested twang. But no bread? How will I survive? Will I wilt away to nothing? Will I be forced to eat veggie burgers on romaine lettuce? What will I use to sop up pot liquor?

Fortunately, that’s what dehydrators are for. 🙂 I don’t think I’ll be eating dehydrated bread with my cooked greens, but for all that other stuff, it’ll suffice. So I’m dusting mine off and getting back to business. If I  can live with cashew and hemp and macadamia nut cheese, I can find it in my heart to embrace raw bread… again.

Now that is the beauty of versatility. And a damn good recipe collection.

But it’s not like I’ve been a very good raw foodie these days anyway. The last couple of weeks, my diet has consisted of food extracted from paper bags and crinkly packaging. Therefore, I said all that crap up there to say that my guilt will have to marinate some other time cuz I’ve got a lot of bread making coming up in my future: spiced curry bread for the Lion King, hot water cornbread for myself, and honey-glazed popovers courtesy of An Edible Mosaic for whoever wants to come have breakfast in bed with me. 😉 What?! It worked for her!

Fruits and vegetables and raw things are on their way. For now, screw abstinence and let us eat bread. Lots and lots of bread.


One Response to “Abstinence for Dummies”


  1. Crazy Cravings = Cannellini Gorgonzola pizza | The Ginger Baby Reviews - February 26, 2013

    […] try not to eat bread too often. I talk about my love/hate with bread a little bit here. I also try not to eat dairy. But I had a $5 chunk of gorgonzola just chilling in my fridge waiting […]

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